UnReal Recap

Jay is insulted on the Everlasting contestants’ behalf because once again, the girls have to parade around in flimsy bikinis even though the date for the day is a powder puff football game. Rachel doesn’t have time to take a feminist stand because her only priority is secretly getting a doctor to an injured Darius.

Well, not her only priority. She does have time to flirt with Coleman Wasserman when he shows up to set in the new that car that Gary, the network executive, gifted him. Coleman tells Rachel not to worry about Quinn’s inevitable freak out about Rachel’s betrayal. “Don’t worry about Quinn,” he tells her. “You’ve outgrown her.”

Rachel may have outgrown Quinn but that doesn’t mean that Quinn isn’t stuck in a petty state. She bites Madison’s head off for interrupting her work, even though Madison was trying to inform Quinn that her father died. Rachel learns what happened and tries to offer her condolences to Quinn, but Quinn isn’t having it. Quinn accuses Rachel of stabbing her in the back and adds that Rachel can’t even run Everlasting without Quinn managing Rachel’s mental problems. “Watch me,” Rachel says defiantly.

Of course, Rachel sounds more confident than she is. The doctor reports that Darius needs immediate surgery, much to Rachel and Darius’ disappointment: Rachel obviously needs the show to go on and Darius wants to stay on the show long to earn enough good publicity to land a sports news casting job. Romeo is the only one who wants Darius to get the surgery, pointing out that they can no longer ignore his injuries.

“Were you guys hiding this from me the whole time?” demands Rachel.

Reality Reveal No. 1: Do contestants have to disclose medical problems before they go on a show? If they lie or withhold information, could they be held liable for injuries?

TV Juriste Response: Depending on the type of program, participants will undergo a background, psychological, and/or medical examination.

Romeo wants to walk out but Rachel convinces him to stay, pointing out there is a news reporter on set who could find out and expose Darius’ secret. Romeo reluctantly agrees to stay–but only for one episode. Rachel reworks the powder puff game so Darius can comment on the action with Football Princess Tiffany. It’s a perfect solution: Darius can show off his potential as a newscaster and avoid any other injuries.

The Everlasting contestants are oblivious to the behind-the-scenes drama and are bored standing around and waiting for filming to begin. Yael aka Hot Rachel flirts with Jeremy while Madison approaches the Muslim Contestant and tries to convince her to drink to let loose for the cameras. A Muslim drinking? You’d think this would be the one thing that reality TV couldn’t manipulate but Muslim Girl is so insecure about being eliminated that she starts knocking them back.

Reality Reveal No. 2: Do shows really fill up their contestants with alcohol? Wouldn’t the contestants just end up drunk on camera and make bad television?

TV Juriste Response: Alcohol is sometimes made available to participants at events that will be filmed. I don’t know that producers intentionally try to make participants drunk. 

Coleman notices Rachel acting strangely and although she is initially hesitant, Rachel admits that Darius is injured. Coleman immediately offers to call a sports doctor friend to get a second opinion on Darius’ injuries, which Rachel gratefully accepts. Jay notices the two conspiring together and goes to report to Quinn and Chet.

Chet interrupts Quinn in her office to offer his condolences and show off his newborn son. This goes about as well as you’d expect: Quinn snaps that her father was a terrible person and children are terrible because they grow up to betray you. “You should smother him in his sleep while you can still claim SIDS,” says Quinn, which is dark even for her. Chet encourages Quinn to get out of her grumpier than usually mood and fight for control of Everlasting. Thanks to Jay’s tattling and the constant-running security cameras, Quinn and Chet figure out that Darius is injured. Quinn decides to expose his injury, call in ambulances for ratings, and if the stunt fails, blame it on Coleman and get the show back.

Chet helps Quinn by promising the contestants that the first one to tackle Darius will get a one-on-one date with him. Muslim Girl, who is now renamed Drunk Muslim Girl, takes his offer seriously and immediately takes Darius down at the first opportunity. Now that Darius has been tackled by a girl for the second time on national television, Romeo insists on taking Darius to the hospital. Rachel attempts to convince him to stay, even attempting to seduce Romeo, but Romeo is disgusted by her advances. Rachel switches tactics and convinces Darius to get an epidural from Coleman’s sports doctor friend which will keep Darius standing long enough to send the ambulances away. Although there is the risk that the epidural could cause Darius to be paralyzed, he agrees.

Reality Reveal No. 3: Can the show prevent contestants from seeking the medical attention of their choice? What if Darius refused the epidural and decided to leave to get the surgery instead?

TV Juriste Response: Some agreements require participants to give consent, in advance, to allowing  producers to arrange for emergency medical treatment. I can’t imagine a producer (and I know for  sure the show’s lawyer) would not allow producers to dissuade a participant from freely seeking medical treatment of the participant’s choice.

The ambulance arrives and Quinn orders the girls to cry “like Taylor Swift invited you to join her girl squad and then changed her mind.” Beth Ann is the only one who genuinely cries at this thought but soon the other girls join the hysterics. However, Darius walks out seemingly healthy and laughs off the tackle. He tries to take Drunk Muslim Girl on  the date as promised but she pukes on his shoes. Although she is defeated, Quinn orders the ambulance to take Drunk Muslim Girl and plans to make the episode about her health problems.

Romeo is furious that Darius  is staying on the show so Darius fires him. “You poisoned the best thing that either one of us had. And for a television show!” fumes Romeo to Rachel. He storms off angrily and Rachel tries to not look as guilty as she feels. Meanwhile, Chet compliments Quinn for making the best of their failed plan and tells her that working together made him realize how much he loves her. Before Quinn can respond, the police arrive and arrest Chet for kidnapping his child and violating his custody agreement. “I meant every word I said!” calls Chet as he is taken away.

Nevertheless, the show goes on. Ruby, Tiffany, Chantal, Beth Ann, Random Contestant, and Yael are chosen to stay. Drunk Muslim Girl understandably throws a tantrum, much to Madison’s delight. “Go! Go! Follow the drama!” she yells at the camera crew.

“Follow the drama” could be the new tagline for this show. Yael finds Jeremy after shooting ends and they discuss Rachel. She flirts and then eventually seduces him. Jeremy happily goes along with it but he should be on his guard around pretty brunettes–Yael secretly steals his keys before they go into the truck to hook up.

Seduction is in the air tonight, apparently. Ruby finds Darius alone and they flirt. He kisses her but it’s not a private moment; Ruby secretly arranged for the cameras to follow them from afar. Meanwhile, Rachel approaches Coleman and simply asks, “Are we doing this, Wasserman?”

He kisses her as the camera pans down to the “Everlsting” vanity plate on Coleman’s show.

Except nothing in reality TV is everlasting. Watch out, Rachel…


Mondays 10/9 pm on Lifetime