Sleepy Hollow Recap: Sleepy Inception

She’s baaa-ack! Abbie’s back y’all. And so is TV Juriste’s coverage of Sleepy Hollow.

Since we’ve been gone, Abbie Mills has sacrificed herself – AGAIN. The first half of the season ended with Abbie calmly stepping into another dimension (hell? purgatory? the parking garage?) to save Jenny.

When Sleepy Hollow returned for the second half of the third season, the powers that be made all of us truly appreciate Abbie Mills (Nicole Beharie), by showing us what the show would be like without her. We saw the Ichabbie understudies, Joe and Jenny, conduct an investigation interspersed with relationship talk and chemistry-less kisses. Yawn, wake me when they’re done.

The first episode of the second half also included what couldn’t have been anything other than Jessica Camacho’s leaked audition reel to turn Sophie into Crane’s new partner. (Sophie has a hard exterior and had a supernatural experience as a child, really?) Toss the “Sophie as the new Abbie” audition reel in the circular file where we keep Katrina’s and Sexy Betsy’s.

The Jenny-Joe-Sophie scenes were not terrible, just flat and forgettable. We need Crane’s fluttering hands and Abbie’s expressive face to give this flailing show the barest glimmer of its first season sparkle.

Totems! #Inception

All of this brings us to this week’s episode, which opens with Abbie Mills, the best FBI detective to ever put on a pair of black jeggings, limping in an abandoned set from the movie Inception. (That’s not the only similarity. Re-watch Sleepy Hollow and Inception; you’ll see, I’m right).

Crane (Tom Mison) and Jenny (Lyndie Greenwood) have figured out that the best way to retrieve Abbie from a place Pandora calls the Catacombs is for one of them to enter a “spirit cabinet” and then use astral projection to communicate with Abbie. For the spirit cabinet to work, the astral traveler needs personal trinkets (or totems, like those so central to the Inception plot) from family members of the person you’re seeking.

The team gathers Grace Dixon’s journal, a necklace Abbie gave Jenny, and thanks to a boring little Joe-Jenny escapade, Papa Mills’ lighter. Joe (Zach Appelman), he of the biceps and bland facial expressions, distracted Papa Mills at the door while Jenny snuck in a back door to steal an engraved lighter from Papa Mills.

The spirit cabinet works, sending Crane off to the Catacombs in search of Abbie.

The Junior Varsity Scooby Gang Tackle the Monster of the Week with Help from a Sexy Betsy Flashback

More on the witness reunion in a moment. Back in Sleepy Hollow, initially, Sophie and Daniel are investigating a death at a historic landmark with gargoyles that come to life. The writers haven’t quite figured out what to do with Daniel, leaving Sophie to join forces with Joe and Jenny.

The team has some trouble making things work. Sophie seems frustrated spending so much time with the second string players, rather than the starting line up (Same, Sophie, Same). We also see Jenny’s competitive, petty side each time Sophie makes a suggestion:

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Eventually, the three of them work together to fight off the monster of the week without either of the witnesses.

Abbie Channels Carrie Mathison, but with Blue Ivy’s “Baby Hair and Afro.”

Like our favorite bipolar FBI agent in a pantsuit (Carrie Mathison of Homeland), we find Abbie muttering and scribbling things on a wall. Abbie’s still trapped in an Inception movie set without Leo DiCaprio or Brody.

But then she sees Crane. As a million Ichabbie hearts rejoice, Abbie runs to hug him and runs right through him. Doh, hug denied! He’s there in spirit form only.

They quickly catch up. It’s only been a few weeks since Abbie’s disappearance from Sleepy Hollow, but for Abbie in the Catacombs, it’s been ten months.

Before we go any further, let’s have a moment of silent gratitude that someone on the production team figured out that the Catacombs shouldn’t be equipped with flat irons. When Crane finds Abbie she’s  depicted rocking a beautiful kinky-curly wash and go style – like a BOSS, who slays! Blue Ivy approves. #Formation.

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Reunited and It Feels Like Someone Else is in Our Cave . . .

Before the witnesses can plan their return to Sleepy Hollow, Pandora projects herself into the cave looking for the Eye of Providence (the glowing gem with special powers from the first half of the season). The witnesses refuse to give Pandora what she wants so she untethers Crane from his spirit cabinet, saying he’ll end up as a wandering soul unless Abbie gives up the gem.

Repeating a stunt she pulled on Hawley in Season 2, Abbie acts like she’s willing to comply, but instead smashes the gem to pieces. Pandora storms off astral projects herself out of the cave in a huff.

The witnesses end up back in Sleepy Hollow, but clearly the writers ran out of ideas about how to make that happen. So we see a few dream-like quick shots, and then voila Abbie is back in Sleepy Hollow. *shrug* Using their bond (“I followed your voice”), Crane’s soul ends up back in his body. *double shrug*

With everyone reunited, the writers give Ichabbie fans some Valentine’s Day feels with witness hand holding and a possible declaration of feelings by Crane . . . *dramatic pause* that ends up being a Crane lecture about chess strategy. Hahahaha, silly Ichabbies, it’s not the series finale, yet.

Pandora, Fix Your Life. You’re crying blood!

Pandora’s man is the worst! She’s bowing and scrapping trying to satisfy The Hidden One (Peter Mensah), who claims he’s a god who should be worshiped and obeyed. Yes, he’s just sitting in a big red chair. He’ll start doing some worship worthy things, soon. He’s just so darn tired. Yeah, we’ve heard it all before.

TV wives everywhere can empathize with Pandora (Shannon Sossamon). Usually, their husbands just need a beer and to watch the game before they can get down to some god-like behavior. Pandora’s man claims he needs the Eye of Providence. Without his Eye of Providence strength, he says all their lofty plans to reign blood and terror on mortals will come to nothing. According to Mr. Man, if Pandora she doesn’t bring him that Eye of Providence their bwahahaha’s will have no bite.

When Pandora comes back empty-handed, this red-chair sitting “I’m a god” dude has the nerve to whine – “I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. Who ate the big piece of chicken?” Sure he said it with a baritone voice and fancier words, but take away the robes, wrinkles, and sense of entitlement and Pandora’s man is really just an overgrown self-absorbed toddler from hell, willing to suck the life out of his mommy/wife.

The episode ends with a tired, unappreciated Pandora, drained of her life force by a husband who leaves groveling on the floor, depleted and crying tears of blood. Where are Iyanla and Oprah when you need them?

Sleepy Hollow

Now on Fridays 8 pm / 7 pm on Fox

**Abbie Mills fan art displayed courtesy of Randi Laing.

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Harvard-trained attorney and long-time TV super fan, Terri James (TV Juriste) has worked at E!, NBCUniversal, BBC and for a TV personality, for television shows including, E! News, The Daily Ten, Live From the Red Carpet, Life in the Fab Lane, The Soup, Americans in Bed, Chicago PD, and Royal Pains, among others.Terri's All-Time Favorite TV Shows: The Wire, Seinfeld, Colbert Report, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sex and the City, 30 Rock, SNL, Homeland (first season), Breaking Bad (final season), My So Called Life, Meet the Press (Tim Russert Years), and Lil Bush.

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